Friday, March 22, 2013

Ninkumpooping

I have a horrific case of the no-no's... as in, no "no's" ever come out of my mouth. I'm a non-confrontational pushover, weenie and ninkumpoop.
Ninkumpoop, n: a mid to late nineties term used as a general diss for your friends with no actual meaning. Commonly misspelled as ninkenpoop. Thank you, Urban Dictionary.
Embarrassing proof: I once saw someone credit something I made as their own. Did I say anything? No. In fact, I complimented them on it. I listened to a handful of other people compliment them on it. I said nothing. In fact, I started to convince myself that perhaps I wasn't the original artist after all.

Now that I'm in the midst of planning a wedding (by the way, someone kill me), my inability to say "no" has become clearer to me than ever. As a people pleaser (+ pushover + weenie + ninkumpoop), I'm constantly worried I'll offend someone when expressing my opinions.

This is what I want.. right?

Do I make soandso a bridesmaid? 

If I make soandso a bridesmaid, I'll feel obligated to make whosawhatsit a bridesmaid. And while I'm at it, whatsherface should be one too. Ugh, I don't want whatsherface to be a bridesmaid. But should I anyway?

If I use this idea and not that one, will blahdeeblah be offended?

And being the control freak (+ people pleaser + pushover + weenie + ninkumpoop) I am, I normally find great satisfaction in authoritatively making a decision and rolling with it. I've quickly realized that there may never be another time in my life where people care about my opinions more than as a bride-to-be, and even still I find myself squandering these once-in-a-lifetime powers for the sake of an attempted appeasement.

Newsflash: It's hard to be both a control freak and a pushover. When you get what you want, you feel both good and bad about it; when you don't get what you want, you're upset but too scared to say anything (and therefore more upset). Good and bad things stress me out.

It's no wonder I'm always so uptight (+ a control freak + people pleaser + pushover + weenie + ninkumpoop).

Someone with a pair, will you please take my brain and make all my decisions for me (as long as they don't suck)?

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