Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Employ me

To my potential employer:

I'm poor. I'm unemployed. I need a job. I need you to give me said job.

You seem like a nice person. I'm sure you've donated to the Salvation Army a time or two and you've probably considered crying at the sight of disfigured puppies on your TV screen. I'll even bet that you've purchased a box of Girl Scout cookies you didn't actually want because the little girl was just too... darned... cute.

And because you are this nice person, you empathize with me, understanding that spending a semester abroad (well, far, far away) from where you are seeking future employment makes it a near impossible task.

You understand that I shouldn't be punished because I took advantage of an incredible (and unpaid, cough, cough) opportunity in the nation's capitol.

And because you understand this, you actually click open the resume I emailed you in desperate hopes you would be the kind person I'm sure you are. Furthermore, you actually read it. You even find yourself uttering out loud, "hey, so maybe I don't get to meet with her in person, but I trust that she's a capable human being who plays well with others and would do a fantastic job under my reigns! I must have her!"

Trust this inclination. Hire me.

See you in January.

Yours (I hope),

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